Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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