is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
