in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
