I am puke
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
