woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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