New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize