this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize