yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
