I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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