I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
