So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
