Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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