God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
