oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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