'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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