I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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