I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize