she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
