Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Found the puke drawer
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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