My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
