Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
