JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
