i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
