p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
no you cant smoke seaweed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
