butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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