i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
