he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
