well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
