Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize