The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
