you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
