I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
