Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
