He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
