Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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