can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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