I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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