I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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