In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
