you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
