how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
