She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
