haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
