She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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