I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
