Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
