Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk is not a location!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
