just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
