bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
