We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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