Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
