I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
