you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dear god my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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