he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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