it was like his penis was on wheels.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
