Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize