Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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