I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
