hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
