You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
