Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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