I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
