I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
