hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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