dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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