YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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