I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
