How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
